Writer's Block (Edited)
Pages 18-23, edited
I have to admit that I'm already running out of ideas for where this book can go. It's like season 2 of a Netflix show where season 1 was a big hit but you can't just do the same thing again. You've gotta cover new ground and explore new territory.
Perhaps I can let myself age a few years and come back with a whole new set of topics to cover. I'll be older and surely much wiser. I would have seen a few things and had more wisdom to share.
But eh I can't afford to wait that long. I'm too impatient for that. We're just going to power through. We'll figure something out.
I've already told the mental health story, I can't just tread that ground again. It's getting old and outdated. I want to try something new but is there anything new under the sun?
What to do? That's the point of this whole book I'm writing, to explore something new but I'm still grabbing at the dark like a nervous teenager at a party hoping for the best. How much more could I possibly talk about nothing?
…Well, you could talk about something instead of nothing…
Wait..who said that?
Just another part of you.
What do you mean, another part of me?
I'm the part of you that notices the part of you being confused and panicking about what to do next. I've watched you be depressed, have great moments, get caught up in the world's nonsense that doesn't matter, get nervous about your first time with a lady, and doubt yourself in moments like these.
Are you panicking, too?
No, I'm just watching. It's kind of my thing.
So, you're some sort of voyeur watching my mind hamsters run in circles?
Yeah, something like that. I make sure you don't get too identified with the panic over temporary or trivial things. Without me, you end up freaking out and making a personality out of it.
Oh, I can write about personality stuff!
Haven't you talked about personality enough? I think you already covered not talking about that right now. You've done a lot of podcasts about it and a whole YouTube channel situation. You've burnt that candle at both ends. It's become your default thing now. I don't think this fine reader wants to hear more of that.
Yeah but it's always a good go-to little party trick to show someone how their brain works. And it's a growing lucrative industry. Why shouldn't we cash in on that?
Yeah, I understand that thought process, but you're writing this book about you and what it's like to write a book. You never really let yourself have fun and focus on yourself. You don't need to teach and preach things all the time.
All the time? Are you being judgy at me right now? That seems unnecessary.
No, no, just want to keep you focused.
It sounds like you were judging me. I don't appreciate that.
OK, maybe I was judging a little bit. You get a little neurotic about the personality stuff and start acting like you need to prove something or interject some made-up sense of value. No one asked you to do that. Just relax and take some time to figure out the next thing. Not everyone needs to know about the personality stuff anyway and it certainly doesn't need to come from you.
Are you trying to fight me right now? Because thems fighting words.
Yup, I think I am.
You son of a–
Hey! HEY! Fellas, we don't need to do any of that. Calm yourselves.
Who is that?
I'm another watcher. I watch the watcher.
What do you mean by "watch the watcher?" you've been watching me watch this guy the whole time? Is that our name? The watchers?
I've had two watchers watching me. And probably judging me?
No, I just watch him watch you. I don't watch you. I don't know you directly. And I'm one step removed from judging you. I don't get anything from it.
What do you mean you don't know me? We're not all the same person? What's happening? Am I dying?
Well, not quite. It's sort of a step removed kind of thing. "You" is a bit of a complicated thing that's a bit too much to explain.
So are you like an alternate personality?
No, no. You're not having a mental break or anything, I just pull everyone back to not get too attached to any of the stuff going on in your head. All of these thoughts are temporary but without us watchers, it's a whole life or death vibe that doesn't serve us very well.
So if I'm watching him and you're watching me. Then who is watching you?
Sup everybody! I watch the watcher-watcher. It's so delightful to talk to you all. What a lovely night we're having :D
Okay, now I'm very confused.
Yeah, I thought I was the only one then these other guys and now this…
You're telling me. I'm starting to see a pattern emerging. Interesting.
You're totes right about that pattern. I lighten things up around here. The whole stoic serious and analytical thing can only go so far. The non-judgmental piece is great and makes for some excellent clear thinking BUT I bring the sweetness to the tea if you know what I mean. I've never met my watcher but I'm sure he's quite lovely, especially if he's been watching me this whole time. I'm quite the muse.
Wow, that's quite the assumption. A little full of yourself, are we?
Well, look at you being judgy again.
It's called confidence, honey and I'm a part of you so you've got it. You just gotta pull back from all the other garbage first.
Yeah, the judging isn’t going to help anyone, so pipe down.
Who are you to tell me to pipe down? You're like some weird subconscious third cousin, you have no authority here. I was here first.
He's right, you guys. I'm totally the one with the authority here and I think we should just focus on getting a smoothie.
Smoothies cost money and we haven't sold this book yet. That's why I'm up writing this thing in the first place.
He's right about him being right.
Well, aren't you guys just no fun…
……….whaaat was that?!
I'm feeling… sort of?
Uhhh what is happening…
WAAAAAAHMMMM WE ARE THE TURTLES
I thought there would be another watcher.
Or another watcher-watcher.
WWWWAAAAAAAHM NOPE. JUST TURTLES. TURTLES ALL THE WAY DOWN.
Wait? Do you get what's happening?
You guys, I think it's some sort of infinite loop compounding on itself. Watchers upon watchers.
Well, that's interesting.
Is this thing going to kill me?!
WWWWAAAHHHHMMMMMMM NOT A THING. ONLY TURTLES.
Alright, just turtles. We like turtles. That can't be anything bad, right?
No, no, I think we're okay.
Yeah, it's fine. I guess we're just at the beginning of something much more intense than we could have imagined.
Well, as confusing as this may be. It's gotta be useful and here for a reason.
I still think we should go get a smoothie.
WAAAAHHHHMMMMMMM YES SMOOTHIE
I think everything in our being has spoken.
OK, but what about the book?!
WAAAAAAHHHHHHHMMMMMM FIGURE IT OUT LATER. PEANUT BUTTER AND BANANA.